This is an old post that I never really took my time with. I wanted it to be far more detailed than I had it. I decided to take my time to re-write it. Specially while everything is still fresh in my memory. 

Today Jax is one month old! I don't believe how fast that went by. I don't believe I've ever had such patience before, or that I'd be able to love someone so much yet feels very natural. The first week I was able to have my mom and sister visiting us. They cooked and cleaned for us which was such a huge help. All our days consisted on being home in bed watching movies. Relaxing as a family other than the days we had to go to the Drs for his weight check up and to get his birth certificate. He slept for most the time which made it easy.

Weight: Around a full 8lbs.

Eating: This entire month I'd been able to nurse him, and I'm thankful for that. But it slowed down a lot towards the end of the month that I had to start doing formula as well. Something I never wanted to do but what can you do except keep trying. Hoping it will increase again soon. This little boy loves to eat. The main one reason he would cry is for food. His legs are finally starting to get a little chunky and he pushes and kicks them out. He's getting stronger and stronger every day.

Breast feeding wasn't easy but it also didn't get any easier for me. I felt uncomfortable, I felt like he wasn't getting enough of what he wanted. I kept having to pump or use a shield and there were moments when I didn't even want to keep doing it anymore. For some moms breast feeding is the best feeling and such a bonding moment, to me it wasn't bonding because he kept freaking out on me. Seeing him whine and want to pull on his hair just made me sad. I started to pump 5-6 times a day and feed him that way instead. As long as he's getting his nutrients and as much breast milk as possible I'm content.  

Sleep: Jax started sleeping in his bassinet besides our bed, but he always managed to pull his arms out of his swaddle and pull the blanket up by his face. I got a little nervous that he would suffocate and so he started sleeping with us. But we are letting him take his day naps in there to get him more used to it, to eventually make the transition completely again. The first weeks his sleep was on and off all night since he sleep most of the day and most of the night. But around 3rd and 4th week he began falling asleep with us at 11pm and waking up at 5am right before Joe would wake up to go to work.

He sleeps pretty well but somehow is very jumpy in his sleep and will sometimes scare himself awake. We're still working on making a schedule work but we're still new at this and so is he. We're both learning.

Clothing: Jax is  still wearing newborn size, in fact he finally is filling into them. Only a couple pieces size 0-3m. Onesies fit better than pants on him. Now that I can see how big he is, I can buy him more clothes according to. Shoes he only fits in his 6wk vans. Mostly rocking holiday socks. 

Mood: He is a very laid back and relaxed baby. Doesn't cry for no reason, either he's hungry, wet, or has to burp. He started making sounds, so now I can hear how happy he is. He's always kicking when he's happy and that's exactly the kicks he used to do inside. Whenever we go out he falls asleep, in the car or in his swing. Very calm and and just very observative. 

Doesn’t Love:

• The way he starts to sneeze but it goes away. He makes the cutest noise/sigh that Ive ever heard! His sneezes are pretty cute too, he's not sick or anything he just sneezes for no reason. 
•  The way he grabs onto his hair when he's really into drinking his milk. He just holds onto it and then rubs his hands through his ears to his face and back to his hair. Adorable!!!
• When he's starting to wake up but gets closer to me and cuddles so he just passes right out again. I love that he looks for me and gets closer to me. It feels so nice to see him want to lay with me rather than the usual me pulling him in. 
• How his eyes get so watery and red after a good cry. He has such a pitiful look and I just want to hold him and kiss him and tell him he's going to be ok. It breaks my heart to see this sad look but I love to feel so needed by him.
• His smiles in his sleep. I wonder what he's dreaming about or what is just running through his mind. He lays there and does this half smirk half smile type of thing only showing one of his dimples. I stare at him in a total mom creepy way. 
• The way he looks for Belle and Jazmine. He's becoming aware of them, he lays and looks upward and around when they lay by him. I love thinteresting way he stares and just observes them. 
• How he gets comfortable when he's laying on my chest. He takes his time to lay his head the right way and sighs. Stares off and pushes his legs up. Only to eventually fall right asleep in my arms. I love every moment of it. 
• The funny way he has his arms and hands wide open while he sleeps. Every now and then he does this shock move that makes him open them wide. Like dreaming of falling or something. Whatever it is this is, it's so sweet to watch.

This year believe it or not is the first Thanksgiving I have ever prepared an entire meal (and turkey) all on my own. I figured I'd go all out since my mother-in-law was visiting. Typically the hubs and I don't do huge meals, we would spend it with friends since having all that food just the two of us is ridiculous.

7 things I'm grateful for:

1. My son: I never thought I would love someone as much as I've experienced love for this little guy. I always thought my "maternal" instincts were only going to be towards my girls. But I've come to realize how life can truly change. I'm seeing him grow right in front of me, everyday is different and he amazes me more and more. The lil surprise God had planned for me.

2. My hubby: He's my best friend. I can't express enough how fortunate I am and how lucky I feel to have him. He's a true gentleman and always expresses love for me. Almost 5 years and he's still the same flirt. He's the love of my life and I'm beyond grateful for having him in my life.

3. My Girls: My puppies were my very own first dogs. Belle has been my little girl since day one. She's the very one to bring out the maternal instincts in me. I got to raise her since she was barely 2 months old. She's one of the smartest dogs I've ever met in my life, she can say so much with her looks she will amaze you. Jazzy is more a daddy's girl but this little girl is the most gentle caring dog, she has a maternal instinct towards their new lil brother now. Always so protective. I'm grateful to have these girls in my life. They're always there whether you're happy, sad, mad, or not all there. 

4. My Family: you know when they tell you that one day you'll appreciate your mom? That one day you will miss your family? You never think it to be true when you're 18 years old. But once I moved out right after my 19th birthday, I never thought the one person I would call daily would be my mom. Moving out helped me grow up and appreciate my family so much. I'm thankful that whenever I have an issue they are the very first to help me. My mommy and daddy-o (yes I still call them that) go above and beyond for my sister and I. They back me up and show me support with every decision I make and advice me on whatever I need advice on. I sure feel blessed and thank God nightly for giving me such a wonderful family. This including my uncle, aunts and grandma. I will never stop being thankful for them. 

5. My Friends: "Quality above quantity" this is such a true quote. I have merely an amount of true friends that I can count on one hand. Throughout the years you come to realize who your true friends are, better yet, moving away showed me that even more. I may live over 500 miles away but I talk to these people on the daily. My bestest friend since I was about 11 years old, we can go days without talking and once we talk is like time has not passed. I'm grateful to have them in my life because we all need friends to talk, relax with, gossip, joke with and so on. Cheers to true friends!

6. My Job: Not a particular one, just the fact that I even have one at all! So many people are in need of jobs in the world, I don't take it for granted. I'm grateful to be able to work and make money. It provides for us, whether is for food, or bills or even just luxuries. I'm able to have a car and make holidays special thanks to the money I make. Always be grateful with things like a job, because you never know what can happen and how much you can lose without one. 

7. The Military: Having my hubs in the military is both exciting and scary. The benefits have been so helpful to us but with every good comes bad. Otherwise the military has provided us with a life. We have been able to meet such wonderful people, our military family. Friends that will last a lifetime that come from all over the country. I'm thankful for it and I support our troops always.

Weighing in at 6lbs and 14oz, 20.5in long.

This beautiful little miracle changed my life forever with just one look. Never did I think I would have my whole world right in my arms. 

At 40 weeks and still no baby, I began to think I would be pregnant forever! But somehow I began to get a feeling that he would be there that week. Somehow I just knew. Come Monday at 7:30am I woke up in a jump feeling like I had peed myself but it wasn't like my water broke, it was tiny bits here and there. So I changed and went back to bed, a couple hours later I woke up again with the same feeling. I told the hubs that I had a feeling something weird was going on so I wanted to go for walks and stay on the move all day just in case it was really happening. So I went out to run a few errands and I kept getting a few contractions every so often. By the end of the night they started getting worse. 

Hubs and I went on another walk around the block and he was telling me how nervous he was that it was the real thing, yet very excited to finally meet him. We decided to go to bed and see what happens, but the pain only got worse and worse to the point where I started to count these contractions and they were 6-7minutes apart lasting 1minute long. This went on for 2-3hours, by 11pm I called labor and delivery and they told me the basic things like take two tylenols and drink 3-4 cups of water right away and lay down on my left side, within the hour they should go away. Well 2 hours later the pain only got worse. I then went to the bathroom and noticed I had bloody show with mucus. At 2am hubs kept hearing me moan through the pain and he just plainly asked "do you need me to take you to the hospital?" I really didn't want to go. I didn't want to have to just lay on a bed for hours. I wanted to be at home for most of it, but I also didn't know how far along I could possible be, being that on that very day I had a Drs. apt at 1pm... It was a long way to wait. 

So off to the hospital we went. They first started checking me and tracking my contractions, I wasn't dilated at all but my cervix was definitely making the progress. They said I had to wait around 6am for the Dr to arrive. I could already tell it was going to be a long night. Contractions got worse and worse, the Dr decided to check me in and hook me up. I was so glad for the nurses they were all so attentive and fast. She had began my IV so I could have all the fluid I need by the time it was time for the epidural. But I couldn't receive the epidural till I was at least 4cm dilated. It was going by so slow! But I was grateful that I wasn't forcing my body into that it all came naturally. I did not want to be induced. 

Finally I got to the point where the pain became unbearable. I would sleep every 5 minutes only to wake up with horrible pain. Hubs stayed by my side holding my hand and supporting me. By then it was about 2pm a different Dr that was on call broke my water and said I was ready for the epidural. I didn't even feel the sting everyone says or the burning ... Absolutely nothing! It was perfect! I fell asleep right away. 3 hours later I woke up nice and numb. My cervix was fully done but I still needed to dilate more so the Dr decided to give me some pitocin to help with the progress. However the pitocin gave me a fever which made the baby's heartbeat go up. So they began to work on helping my fever go down. 

On Wednesday at 3am I was finally fully dilated! Only wanted him to drop a little bit more and I could begin to push! Around 4am we began to push, I pushed for about 2 hours and I just had to rest. I was so sleepy and it was so draining from being up every minute. They woke me up again around 8am to push again and I did not stop, but the baby was stuck with my tailbone. The dr offered for me to keep pushing to help stretch but that he can also help pull him out a bit to get him over that bump. I tried my best to keep pushing but eventually I just knew I needed his help. I hadn't eaten in the last couple days, and being only on ice chips began to make me sick... Literally. So finally with the help of the Dr and my hubs supporting me every second along with the best nurse that never left my side and did nothing but encourage me, out came baby Jaxon! With a full set of hair! (Explains the heartburn) I'm not an emotional person, I was more shocked that teary eyed. This baby just came out of me... Me! I made a baby? This is MY baby... So many thoughts at once. I looked over to the side to see my hubs getting teary eyed but trying hard not to cry. That just hit my heart all at once. Oh my god this is my baby boy! 

I don't think I've ever felt so many emotions all at once. I put him skin to skin and we just layed together and I stared at him and I fell in love. And so begins the start of something beautiful...